Dear Isabelle Kerr,
I am writing to you in response to your blog. I read your blog and i agree with what you are saying in your article on the young people today, I think that you are right that people don’t listen to the adults and that the Oxford dictionary is broken.
In your article on Twerking, Selfies and unlike? young people don’t speak like that-I should know from how i live in a area filled with both normal and slang stereotypes around.
In the article you have referred to Miley Cyrus as the person who has flooded the Google search with her twerking at the MTV’s music awards. This has caused a uproar over the social media and news to report on that event which has now caused a fad to coming out in to our world causing minors to follow in what is seen.In your blog you say that your 20 years Old, I am 15 years Old . Adults who are meant to be setting a Example for people my age have not done so this has caused a uproar in teens to children to not Listen to authority and post thing that could get them in trouble not only in school but worldwide.
This has resulted to girls posting videos of themselves to social media. What has caused this to happen? You may ask.This people is not the young generations fault.but actually what websites allow to be posted on to it like Facebook,Youtube,Bebo,Whatsapp and twitter these website allow things that are inappropriate to be posted on there .
On the other side if what you said about a linguistic calamities i agree because on my side of the argument i agreed that the Oxford dictionary is being messed up by these word that do not make any sense and that these words may as well take over Alot the English language. In this case you should not say that you are ashamed and you should not apologies because its not young people’s fault like you and i but really it’s the media and what we see on television :Pop stars (Adults and teenagers) who are responsible.
If you say that in my opinion that young people do whats in,whats the new point of cool. young people focus on how they look on social media such as facebook,twitter and skype this causes rumors to be spread around. That’s because young people try to be cool. People on their phones see how Miley Cyrus is not listening to anyone this is causing people to follow in what they see and not listen to anyone from teachers to parents.
I also agree with your blog’s article on how Oxford Dictionaries are taking these words as real words, You are not liking the way slang is taking over online dictionaries.But it is something that can not be avoided, I believe that adults should monitor what children do on the internet they say that prevention is better than a cure.
Yours sincerely
Jonathan Crowl
February 3, 2015 at 12:59 pm
John, this is a good foundation from which you can build a high achieving answer.
Targets:
1) Remember that the article is about the inclusion of slang within the dictionary. Your letter must remain closely linked to this topic. At times, you begin to stray, casting judgement on how young people are influenced by adults.
2) Many of your paragraphs only contain one, very long, sentence. You should break paragraphs into several sentences.
3) You elaborate on some points, but not in an awful lot of detail. You should have three or four explanatory sentences for each point.
Current grade:
Writing: 26/40 (D1)
Reading: 4/10 (E)
March 30, 2015 at 5:28 pm
John, some feedback below:
1) You need to ensure that you stay on topic. Your writing occasionally strays off point.
2) Each of your paragraphs should build on the last. There is a lack of flow in your writing.
3) You need to check the odd stray mistake with capital letters.
Current grade:
Reading: 4/10
Writing: 26/40