Transformation-hawk roosting

I sit in a nest the top of the trees with my eyes are closed all i can do is dream that between my hooked feet there is a frightened rabbit trying to escape and at my mark i could end its life with a simple twist to the neck. In my sleep i like to rehearse my perfect kills and and how i am going to eat my feast.

 I think of myself as a perfect hunter, I think of myself as to what most would refer to as champion of the food chain who puts fear into others with a battle cry, Striking fear into my prey but for now my eyes are closed and I am resting and listening in my nest on the top of the tree. The convenience of the high trees like a fortress for me no-one can get me and it is easy for me to move from place to place.It is my defence but also my greatest weakness because i only got view at the bottom of the tree but in the sky i am weak and defenceless. The only thing that i can have as a advantage is flight because no-one can get to me without my say so and the earth’s face upward for my inspection. Every day and night I wait and wait for my prey could be big or small but the wait is always worth it. My stomach growls as it waits for a companion to devour to be delivered then as Without warning there was a slight rustle in the long grass at the bottom of the tall oak, which stirred me  from my dreams, it was time to hunt. The air’s buoyancy and the sun’s ray gave me a huge advantage over my unsuspecting prey. It was as if the earth’s faces were made for me to inspect as a mother inspecting her children.

I took off with all the eloquence of a ballet dance and the skill of a gymnast. My flight was a marvel to watch as every inch of the My body was sensing the air currents, reading the signs and slowly preparing for the kill. Adenaline was coursing through my body as I watched my prey, my prized feast for the day, my winning lottery ticket, Silence is my best friend  as it allows me to sneak up on many even the unsuspecting mouse. I then start to circle around my target with eyes that can almost see through its body to its heart. Then everything is silent like a funeral it was my time to pay respects to the dead. A leave drops in front of me and I swoop down for the kill with my talons as sharp as kitchen knives about to dig into a Christmas turkey.  l can feel as though I am being watched by the world. The world around me stops as it freezes watching to see if I make the grab. Then time goes back to normal and I grab my prey, my main course by the neck into the air as I look down to it and it can already see that this the end with a quick turn of of my talons,The play is over and I win.

2 Comments

  1. John, so far this is an interesting read. You have captured the spirit of the bird well.

    Targets:

    1) You need to sort out your sentence structures. You often use commas when they should be full stops.

    2) Your piece needs to be longer. Use the 5 senses to develop the description within your piece.

    3) Be sure that you remain in the correct tense.

    Current grade: 20/30 (E – mostly due to length)

  2. John this is a steady improvement. You must work faster though and spend some time working on this at home.

    Targets:

    1) You need to structure your ideas into paragraphs.

    2) You need to check your sentence structures. You often use commas where there should be full stops and sentences are often unpunctuated or too long.

    3) You need to develop the 5 senses in greater detail.

    4) You need to develop your vocabulary.

    Current grade: 23/40 (D2)

Leave a Reply to Liam HarrisCancel reply